I am not really sure where this post will end up taking me, but I felt like sharing some of my thoughts about being in lock down in Melbourne.

I haven’t been to my office since March this year. I am fairly good at adapting and working from home definitely has its perks, but it is also extremely frustrating. There is no end in sight at this point and it can be hard not to despair sometimes.

The resilience to ‘just keep pushing through’ died back in around June this year. I am so tired of feeling trapped and stuck. And before anyone comments “WeLl WhAt AbOuT tHe V I R U S?” All I have to say is, OF COURSE NEARLY ALL OF VICTORIA KNOWS HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO STAY HOME. It does not, however, make it any less shit.

I started my PhD late last year and have spent most of my first year at home, online. It was not what I expected and it is extremely frustrating. I try to acknowledge the grief and loss that these lockdowns create for everyone. So here is me wallowing in some grief.

Even my hobbies are starting to drive me nuts! I love reading (duh, hence the blog), but even I can’t sit down and read sometimes. Music used to be a way to create things for me. I have a bachelor of music for crying out loud and look at my instruments and just sigh like I’m in a Victorian novel.

Complaining about being in lockdown every day has become my new favourite hobby.

I would have literally had a breakdown if it weren’t for some close friends (some of them also fellow Victorians) getting me through this.

I google pictures of hedgehogs to prevent me from screaming randomly.

I have created a ritual of ordering pizza every Friday – it is known as ‘Pizza Friday’ and it is sacred. It gives me some semblance of normalcy and I at least know what day it is on Friday. Feel free to join in if you’re in lockdown too.

I teach at a university here and it is hard to do it online, in a pandemic. I feel for my students as we all just try to tread water to keep afloat. The pandemic is doing terrible things to universities in Australia. I worry about the future for everyone in tertiary education right now.

I actually just laid down on the floor in the middle of our living room yesterday just for something different to do.

I love my blog, but I haven’t posted for a while because I just haven’t been able to find the words. It is hard to review books when it feels like the world is ending.

Stage 4 lockdown is AWFUL. It is TERRIBLE. It is the most claustrophobic I have ever felt in my life. If you’re a homebody living your best hermit life, good for you. The rest of us ferals that enjoy running around in nature and people-watching in cafes that are outside a five kilometre radious from our homes are losing our minds.

Everything requires 5,000 times more energy than it normally would.

If I had a dollar for every time I just heard someone give a big long sigh as they go out for their one hour state allocated ‘exercise time’, I would make Jeff Bezos look like a two-bit hawker.

When did my feet get so heavy?

When will I stop getting a rash from wearing a mask?

The world is falling apart around us, and I’m dying inside.