I’ve been living in Switzerland for over twelve months now, and despite my efforts and applications I am still jobless. I went from someone with skills and a job, what some people might even call a career, and then the rug was pulled out from underneath my feet.
After a long conversation with a beautiful Australian friend of mine, also experiencing joblessness, I came up with the 5 stages of applying for jobs. Have you ever experienced these?
You’re not actually unemployed. You chose to take this time off in a new country so you can explore your inner-self and the true meaning of your existence. And sitting at home, alone, eating Lindt chocolate whilst watching re-runs of The Real Housewives of Miami is all part of the process.
Screw.you.yes.you. You and your meaningful life and steady income and work. Sure, you’re employed with a steady cash flow. But you know what? While you’re at the salt mine, I can do whatever I feel like. I could take up yoga, or start a power walking group that wears matching velor tracksuits. I could learn the accordion or make whimsical cross-stitch art. So, BAM!
For every job application you write, you get to watch another episode of Gilmore Girls, AKA rich white girls with rich white girl problems (Don’t get it twisted. It’s my favourite TV show.ever).
I hate my life. It has no meaning or value. The fact that I can’t find a job is directly related to my self worth. I’m a horrible person who doesn’t deserve happiness or a meaningful career. Why did I think that a Bachelor of Music and a Bachelor of Arts was a great idea? Because job security is for wimps? It isn’t too late to try my luck at investment banking… right?
Drink some concrete and harden up. Write some applications for today. And tomorrow you can start from da capo.